Reclaiming Your Body After Sexual Trauma | San Diego Outdoor Boudoir Photographer
A while back I had the pleasure of shooting with Jess – a truly beautiful soul whom I instantly felt a deep connection with during her gorgeousoutdoor boudoir session. We both sensed a fast friendship developing as we completely bypassed the usual smalltalk and jumped right into discussing our mutual love for yoga, mental health, therapy, and film. As we were getting to know each other she revealed to me that she had experienced sexual trauma in her past, and that her reason for wanting to do a boudoir shoot was because she felt it would be a healing experience for her.
There’s something about baring your body to someone that often urges you to bare your soul to them as well, and that’s exactly what happened during our shoot. I recorded our conversation (with her permission), because I thought it could be insightful and uplifting for others, so I’d like to start this post off by sharing her words with you:
“I wear many hats; I’m a certified holistic health coach, I do social media management, web design, but my concentration is yoga therapy. When I was eleven, my maternal grandfather introduced me to yoga and the limb of pranayama (breathwork) because I was suffering from major anxiety and panic attacks.
I’m trauma certified, so I know how to teach using specific language and poses, and being very mindful that there’s trauma in every single person and I just want to hold a sacred space that isn’t triggering. Addiction runs through my family, so I am also 12-step certified.
I was raped when I was nineteen. I had a lot of codependency issues, I was insecure, I was in controlling relationships, and I didn’t understand what a healthy relationship looked like. I didn’t talk to anyone about it, and I waited a year to tell my parents. The practice of yoga and the eight limbs and teachings allowed me to help me help myself, and after I turned 21 I became more open to discussing it and opening up to people I was close with.
Doing a boudoir shoot is a huge step for me personally, but also something I can share with others. I would love to be able to say ‘I was able to do this’, and yes, it’s taken me quite a long time to be okay in this specific space, but I’m very excited to see how I feel when I see the images.”
After seeing her images, I asked Jess to write me a little review, and she replied with this lovely message:
“This boudoir shoot with Nena was a stepping stone for me & my healing. I’ve always been interested in being a part of one & to see where I was internally :: my emotional state, confidence & inner conversation with the Self as it’s happening. It truly was a beautiful experience.
Nena made me feel so comfortable, & because it was located in a familiar place that I felt connected to, it was much more appealing to go through with it. I wanted this shoot to be in nature because I knew that I wasn’t ready for an original kind of boudoir shoot, one in a bedroom or another room of the house. It didn’t resonate with me. I just didn’t want to have this experience inside for some reason, so I chose to listen to my intuition.
It felt so wonderful to be free to move as I pleased in certain moments but also be guided in what would be more flattering for my figure, profile & hair. I’m also just a bit self conscious of how you can see my veins under my very pale skin. Nena captured the beauty of this particular feature in such a delicate way, I will forever be grateful.
I truly didn’t know what to expect. I felt so beautiful, so free, so… strong. I was actually really relieved that I didn’t have an anxiety or self doubt, insecurity, etc. It must have been the nature around me & Nena being the wonderful soul. But I know that my calm composure & groundedness in this experience was because of all the Self Work I’ve been doing, all of the healing that’s occurred.I highly recommend working with Nena if you need to feel a bit more supported in this kind of shoot, for I truly wouldn’t have worked with anyone else.
Thank you Nena. I truly value this overall experience & will be forever grateful for the beauty in me that you captured.”
I really can’t stress how therapeutic boudoir photography can be. We’ve all been through trauma with our bodies, whether it be sexual trauma, eating disorders, bullying comments from others, or just our own insecurities that we constantly battle. This is why I shoot boudoir; to allow people to see their bodies from a new perspective, so they can see their abundant beauty and their uniqueness.
The truth is, we could all use some positive experiences with our bodies. I hope that whenever Jess is struggling, she can reflect on these images and that they bring her comfort, joy, and appreciation for her body, and I want that for you as well.